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did u kno that if you put a bell collar on an outdoor cat they will learn to hunt around the bell’s sound and then when you take the bell off they will be 1000x better at hunting

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proton, neutron, electron and crouton 

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It makes me happy knowing that we have an entire subgroup of twitter users that prepare some freshly cut pinapple for their significant other before they visit. This is very sweet.

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Anonymous asked
What is the most plausible method of copulation for stegosaurus and other thyreophoran dinosaurs?



copulation, you say? how asinine!

everyone knows stegosaurs reproduced vegetatively.

Step 1. cut a leaf as ne eded

Step 2. put the cutting on a flowerpot. then water it. i guess

Step 3. enjoy your new crop of baby steglings

As a scientist, I must say this is 100% Accurate.


This is how the cat lets us know the dog is out of water

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biden: sir……..the Teens want to change the national economy to communism
obama: oh no… many signatures are there
biden: sir there’s…there’s 100,000
obama: *sheds a tear* then it seems we have no choice…..comrade

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that would be why we call them depression naps, yes

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that feeling when you see someone wearing a jacket with a shit-ton of patches and you need to get closer so you can tell what type of punk they are

counterpoint: girl scouts

Are you trying to tell me that girl scouts aren’t a type of punk?

SHIT fuck you’re absolutely right

Actually, I totally have something to add to this.

So walking home from work yesterday, I passed a girl scout and her big sis selling girl guide cookies, and I was like: Score! I just got kickback money, so for once I have money on hand, and they never come to my house!

As I’m walking up, I hear the person at the door they’re currently at …let’s say he was berating the poor girl for being brown.

So when he sla ms the door, the little one just turns to her sis and cheerfully says something like ‘That’s another one for the list. I think he’s at least a two!’

And I’m already behind her at this point with my $10 out for two boxes of thin mints, and she’s all like ‘ah thanks!’, and I ask “What’s this list …?”

“My big sister is keeping a list here of racist fucks and she’s going to break their windows and stuff on halloween!”.

Anyways, girl scouts are precious little angels.

Oh right, this.

I checked around the dude’s house late halloween night.

All his windows were broken.

This post made me so happy.